Lineage of r_b_bergstrom, thrice-summarized

This much was previously established:

I am descended from, and indeed named after, John Rolfe and, by marriage, Trip P. I am also descended from the original and true First Baron of All Nomiblog, namely my happy self, but not in the Ancient Egyptian creation myth sense (quit snickering, Scions) .

To this I add:

I am descended as well from that illustrious forebear of the human race, Mitchondrial Eve, though only on my mother's side. And I am happy to say that - anything more would smack of incest.

Lineage of digital_sextant

The Digital Sextant -- Brendan Riley to his few friends who dare speak his name, was born to a loving mother who had been visited in the night by Oberon, who offered her magical chocolates that left her tastebuds buzzing and her womb with child.

His life as a plebe and amateur court jester left him snarky and timid, a physical weakling capable more likely to disarm enemies with his wit and then poke them in the eyes with his fork than to face them in a duel. His nom-de-plume comes from his affinity for the sea, a trait inherited from his namesake and far distant ancestor, Saint Brendan of Clonfert.

While his loyalty and fealty to r_b_bergstrom tears his soul apart, Digital Sextant can't refuse the divine calling burbling forth from his noble blood. (Blood nobler, he regrets to point about, by about 1200 years AND demi-godhood.) His rule would be benevolent and whimsical, with only a whiff of corruption, like the delicious odor of a Bath and Body Works Shop tainted only by a dead rat behind the counter.

Lineage of r_b_bergstrom, part Deux

I repeat my most noble lineage of week gone past: I am descended from and named after John Rolfe, who didst marry the Powhatan Princess Pocahantas

(or "Trip P" as we called her back in the 'hood. - administrator)

Furthermore, I, your illustrious reigning Baron of All Nomiblog, can now also claim descent from the rightful and true first Baron of All Nomiblog, namely myself.

If you like the sound of my pomposity, please vote for me. A simple "yes" will do, there's no need to get all blubbery. Well, maybe a little need to get a little blubbery. Or at least poetic. It wouldn't hurt anyway. The Baron is a right powerful Patron, after all.

Ignoreth This Poste

Listen to the words of wisdom from your beloved Baron:

"It doth annoyeth me that every week the "current bills" and "current lineages" labels dissapeareth from the list on the right. And since I am not only Baron but also Administrator, I shall taketh it upon myself to create this post, which exists solely to provide for the continual support of said labels, so that they might not disappear weekly.

That is precisely how generous I, your lofty and noble Baron, am. You may (and no doubt shall) commence with being in awe of my grandeur and benevolence now."

So sayeth your lord and Baron. This is neither a law nor a bill. It is merely a post. Feel free to ignore it.

Lineage of Master of the small and pointless

Well someone else needs to run for this position I guess. Unopposed candidates sounds too much like slavery to me.

I am the Master of the small and pointless. That alone should be title enough to win the favors of all Nomiblog subjects. However I understand the need for some background.

Over 8,000 years ago when the planet was covered with cabbage and meatballs the great "Master of all things" got very bored playing with itself. It decided to chop itself up, no one is sure of it's gender. It then divided it's powers among the various parts it had chopped off and each part became a living entity onto itself with the powers bestowed by the Master of all things. The various entities then played leap frog and slap the sucker with the Master of all things so he was never alone again, well except when they go on sabbatical. The Master of all things later choose a male gender and renamed himself Chad in Plaid as he had divided his powers and no longer was the Master of all things. No one is sure how many pieces the Master of all things chopped itself into but one thing is for sure, I Master of the small and pointless was carved from Chad in Plaid's left ear and was given the powers of all things small and pointless.

Until recently (33 years ago to be exact) I was trapped in a stump by the Master of all things pink and brown for eating too much planet cabbage and propelling myself over him using ass gas during a heated round of leap frog. I think the kids call it farts?

Lucky for Nomiblog I was kicked out of the stump some 33 years ago by man named Johnny Apple Seed who goes around planting anything but cabbage and meatballs. Apparently there are still a few cabbage and some meat balls that pop up from time to time but he is doing a very good job diversifying the plant life here.

With that I ask for your vote and like all good leaders I am wiling to go billions in debt to provide for you.

Lineage of r_b_bergstrom

The purpose of this post is to illustrate the Lineage of r_b_bergstrom and explain why I am deserving of the Hereditary Title of Baron.

I am descended from, and indeed named after, John Rolfe. John Rolfe was the first commercial tobacco grower in the American Colonies. As such, he both saved Virginia from economic failure, and doomed millions to hack up nasty crap and get cancer. Historically, he was very significant. He married Pocahontas, despite things that John Smith and Disney might want you to believe. He sailed between England and the New World numerous times in an era where doing so was dangerous and time consuming. He was a politician, a businessman, minor nobility, and a born leader. Read more on Wikipedia.

As additional irony (which I believe was deposited upon me not only by karma but also by the Universe itself vouching for my birthright to be future Baron of Nomiblog) I am allergic to tobacco and once had a fist-sized cancerous tumor cut out of me.

Nearly every word of this Lineage is true, which is more than I can say for any other lineage previously posted to this nomiblog.

I promise, that if I am elected Baron, my rule will truly feel like that of an entitled nobleman plantation owner and courtier. You have my word on it.

To place a vote in favor of this Lineage (and in favor of naming r_b_bergstrom as Baron), click on the votes/comments link at the bottom of this post, and start your comment with the word "Yes".